Saturday, June 23, 2007

Fuel For Our Fire

Wandering Visitor, a very positive-thinking resident who is running Grand Rounds next week, is looking for posts on what inspires us (see also Why Do I Blog?). So we thought we'd have a go at this. We are three psychiatrists from three different perspectives (prison-based forensic psychiatry, outpatient psychiatry both private and clinic-based, and hospital-based consultation-liaison psychiatry) who blog and podcast about stuff that captures our interest.

At the risk of sounding oppositional (who, me?), I'm inspired by my co-bloggers particularly when I disagree with them. Fortunately they remain my friends in spite of this. Friendly disagreement is a wonderful source of intellectual growth and mental stimulation.

I'm also inspired by any topic that gives me a chance to talk about
what it's like to work in a correctional facility, care for inmates or generally care for those who aren't able to care for themselves. I think it's important to remind people that you can't "lock someone up and throw away the key" and forget they exist. I'm here to talk about what happens within the walls.

I like the unusual and the off-beat; I blog about
cannibals and insanity acquittees and human sacrifice and write travelogues about my favorite historical prisons. Occasionally I try to be relevant to my forensic training by reviewing topics like the Tarasoff duty and sex offender commitment laws.

Occasionally I ramble about ducks and that really floats my boat. My co-bloggers are very patient with me.

This "what inspires me" bit puts me at risk of getting sappy and melodramatic. To minimize this risk, I will switch into Outline mode...
Alright, that's enough of that.

Sadly, the first thing that came to my mind when I thought about What Inspires Me is: Good Food. Why? How? I don't know, it just does. I'm hoping that I don't miss out on too many
Hot Fudge Sundaes in the name of healthy living and the never-ending quest to be a size smaller.

Goals of any type inspire me. I'm slow and steady with good endurance, but I've never had any speed. ClinkShrink runs 9 minute miles, Roy's wife does half-marathons. I decided I should be able to run: just one 10 minute mile. Then 2 miles in 20 minutes. I've hated every second of it and I'm convinced that the longer, slower, uphill trek was better for me, but hey, I did it. Why? Why not. So
trying to get my latest novel published is a goal, and by all means, drop by Double Billing and comment on my fiction. I had to get that plug in.

My husband, my children, my dog Max, and the
wonderful friends I have in my life all inspire me often. ClinkShrink, Roy, and Camel are among the most inspiring. My patients are often inspiring and I wish I could write blog posts about some of the brave and amazing people I see.


Dr. Shock said...

What inspires me is the Internet. The technique, the possibilities, all the information accessible. I learn a lot on the web. I like experimenting with all the possibilities like making websites, blogging. Tried programming once with python. An excellent programming language for beginners, so they say. For me it was a disaster, far to difficult for this old bloke.

Gerbil said...

Roy, only you would be inspired by Boolean logic.

Can I get a Venn diagram with that? ;)

Sarebear said...

Roy, are you sure you aren't sporting a pair of honest-to-goodness Vulcan ears?


What inspires me, or did, is that I might make a difference, that I might help just one person understand a bit of what being mentally ill is like; open that window so that they might have more compassion and understanding for others.

Also, that I might help others see that they aren't the only ones, to express what I go through, to share my struggle and perhaps gain courage and strength from doing so, from sharing it with others, and from sharing their stories, their tragedies, their experiences, their struggles, their feelings . . . . from sharing an understanding, together. For me, posting what many can't or won't, posting such things as a post I did a while back on Depression and Personal Hygiene (that one was rather hard to hit the Publish button on), bringing light to issues, struggles, and aspects of these things that are often or always judged, stigmatized, etc. . . . . it is my hope that I may have touched one person, somewhere, some time.

I have received comments from time to time indicating that I have . . . . in ways that are often far beyond what I could have hoped.

I have been somewhat . . . stuck . . . as I have been wrestling with things like my in-laws read my blog, and don't bother calling me much anymore, because they already know what they want to know; or they did; I haven't posted alot about my mental health stuff, for awhile; not like I used to. When I discovered that my in-laws, the siblings, anyway, had basically "voted me off the island", ie, they had decided that I was bad for my husband, and unacceptable . . . . and yet pretended to my face that things were "fine" . . . when I discovered this deep, deep, deception that tore my heart out, and that I thought I had dealt with in therapy a year ago but it's been popping back up again . . . . when I discovered that "once I had a diagnosis of bipolar, I was acceptable as, well, if a doc says so, then that's ok." This deep betrayal coupled with the nonchalance regarding the rejection, and their abdication of any responsibility for their choices or actions in this matter, their nonchalance and bewilderment that I could be upset when they could find me acceptable as long as I had a doctor's note . . . . . . . . well, trust has been torn to shreds in this last year, several times, in several ways, by a variety of people and groups.

BUT! I hope to be able to figure out a solution, so I can get back to doing what was found to be helpful, both for others, and myself. It's the only purpose for myself I've been able to find or take out of this mess of a life that has been the making of Sara. And I haven't had that purpose lately, and that's been hard.

Sorry to go on so much! I could use a pair of those Vulcan ears, myself, to help sort out the mess, since I'm on my own, without therapy (1 appt a month doesn't even begin to scratch the surface, lol - it feels like a crammed 10 min gp appt, really)

Unknown said...

Very clever! I love your blog title and I'm glad to see somebody sharing the very private and wierd world of shrinks with those of us who need you.

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