Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Things I've Never Done

Preamble inserted by Dinah: It's ClinkShrink's birthday! She's turning....oops...old enough to be a prison nun. Old enough to have her own duck and her own blog and to come to my house for crabcakes, hon. Old enough to ride a segway (so at least 14). This is not her cake, it's the cake we ate when Shrink Rap turned 1. Yes, really, how nuts is that? And what does Clink want for her birthday, besides the biggest crabcake that I should be making now? She wants you to

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on my novel chapter!!! And she wants to tell you that I'm setting up an separate blog arm called Double Billing: The Interactive Novel, to be up and running soon with more chapters so you can find out why both characters are named Emily. But for now, she might want to ride an elephant. I'm not sure why.


You can talk now.
I don't typically write personal or sentimental posts but I'm feeling a bit reflective today. Today I am 210 years old, in dog years and hex code. Actually that really just applies to my knees. The rest of me is somewhat younger. On the event of my 210th birthday I thought I'd write about all the things I haven't done.

I think the most adventure I've had so far in my life was at the age of ten when I road both a camel and an elephant at a state fair. From an adventure standpoint it's been rather a downhill slide since then. I've never been much of a traveler so I've never seen Reykevik, Icelandic ponies or puffins (I learned recently that people eat puffins which makes me inexplicably sad). I haven't hiked to Machu Picchu or canoed down the Amazon. I haven't climbed a mountain (or talked Dinah into climbing lessons). I haven't cured a disease or authored a novel or founded a nonprofit organization. I've put a few cartoon doodles up on the blog but it's not exactly what you'd call being an artist.

I've spent much of my professional life in prison. That by itself would be enough adventure for most people and I certainly do hear some interesting stories. People wonder why I don't get out more. The answer to that question is an ethical dilemma on the order of the trolley car crash variety. Here's the dilemma:

If you're the only doctor in town, do you leave town?

Even though we are one of the top ten states in the country with regard to the number of psychiatrists per capita the fact remains that if I leave prison then my patients will have no one. Who will make sure my little old man in segregation gets his Risperdal? How will my sometimes-suicidal sometimes-violent young alcoholic get his depression treated? Who will round on the infirmary patients and do competency assessments on the treatment-refusing medical inpatients?

Who, indeed?

If there's any question about the effect of a missing doctor on patients, you can see what happens in the comments on this story.

Nevertheless I do plan to celebrate my birthday. I haven't found any rideable camels or elephants in Charm City yet, but I do know where you can get a nice Segway ride.


NeoNurseChic said...

Happy, happy birthday!!! I hope it's a good one!!!

Carrie :)

HP said...

Happy birthday! Probably no longer your birthday here (given the time difference) but, hopefully, I snuck the greeting in before it was too late :)

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, dear friend.

Anonymous said...

Have a memorable birthday...Hey, segway's are really fun off road. Not for the timid hearted. Make sure it is on full speed and lean into it and go.

ClinkShrink said...

Thanks everybody, and thanks to Dinah for the delicious dinner, all the birthday attention, and loads of sympathy for my car. I'm glad you're my friend.

I'm looking forward to pulling out my Segway license and leaning into the hill.

[The prison was on lockdown today for an institutional shakedown. Translation: no clinic and an unexpected afternoon off. Let's hear it for contraband!]

Sarebear said...

Wouldn't Dinah's friend Camel have a hard time carrying you around on her back? Oh wait, you were ten. But she'dve been younger too.

Oh, never mind, trying too hard to be funny! I know you like a good (or bad!) pun, tho, so happy birthday Clink!

Sarebear said...

Oh, this one's JUST for you and your birthday, Clink. Fasten your seatbelt, it's gonna be a Baaaaad one (no sheep involved though!)

Yay for contraband! It'd have a whole 'nother meaning if it was illicit pics of the leader of Iran.

Iran Contra band (do they play good music? hee hee).

Anonymous said...

Go ride the Segway! That fourteen-year-old bit is some bullshit from the Segway company. Last weekend, at Squaw Valley, California, I trained a five-year-old to ride a Segway. He weighed 48 pounds. A seven-year-old rode my Segway in the Earth Day Festival Parade. He's in the first-grade.

You can legally ride a Segway at any age. And, kids do it better than the adults. And more safely also.

Midwife with a Knife said...

Happy Belated Birthday Clink! :) You're 210 years young!

I just wanted to let y'all know that I've tagged all of you for the "8 Random things about me" meme!

Anonymous said...

Segways are for the young? Uh-oh. I guess I didn't read the manual. Actually, I rode one for the first time at a Cancer Fundraiser in Houston. No one else was riding them and so my girlfriend and I got to take them off rode on 100+ acres of this beautiful ranch. I should have realized they were for younger humans when I wiped out and almost cut my toe off by the segway running me over! Yes, I was riding barefoot....I am also in my 50's. I am not sure which is more shocking to my psyche.
CS--did you celebrate your bday in an unforgettable way?

jcat said...

Happy birthday CS!

I'm sure you 'miscalculated' on the 210 can't possibly be that young. Can you?


Gerbil said...

Happy birthday, Clink! (Did Dinah and Roy put a file in your cake?)

ClinkShrink said...

SareBear, I think The Contra Band was your best one yet.

Anonymous and Parked, the Segway ride is definitely on. I've worked out the details to get video footage of the experience and my co-bloggers will be joining me. If all goes well we will have our first YouTube clip this weekend.

MWAK, JCat and Gerbil thanks for the warm wishes. JCat don't forget to convert the hex code after you correct for dog years. I hate to give me age away, but honesty is honesty. I'll try not to break my hip on the Segway.

Midwife with a Knife said...

Hm... I was converting to hex and then dog years. It doesn't come out the same, I don't think.

Maggie said...

Belated Happy Birthday! Sorry I missed the Day. Best wishes for many more and very happy ones to come.

jcat said...

Gee Clink, that just serves to remind me that psychiatrists are either devious by nature, or become that way be training.
Dog years into hex into real....only a shrink or one of those seven year old maths prodigies would have come up with that!
Glad you survived it, and many happy years of blogging....

DrivingMissMolly said...


I hope you have an awesome birthday!

I think of y'all every time I watch "Ace of Cakes" on the Food Network. Clink, pretend that the owner of "Charm City Cakes" has sent you one from me.

Also, I found online, chocolate hollow brains filled with a cherry cordial. Ewwwwwwww.