tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post3268470100042854489..comments2024-03-18T03:28:36.581-04:00Comments on Shrink Rap: When Adult Children Shun Their ParentsUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger132125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-85113028255593641902017-09-11T19:27:23.050-04:002017-09-11T19:27:23.050-04:00part two to no longer crying.
I don't know abo...part two to no longer crying.<br />I don't know about you but I was raised not to throw the baby out with the bath water. I love my children. I have allowed them to be self directed thinkers and I was sure to educate myself on providing a nurturing environment to my 4 Home schooled children. So her behavior has bewildered me. Here is my girl who would call or text every morning and love to ask me my suggestions. All of a sudden about a year and a half ago. She abruptly stopped. I tried to speak to her and even when I went to visit her this past spring. She wanted to sleep next to me and just snuggle up yet there was not a lot of talking. I am not sure the meds are altering her to the point she can't think clearly. She is super intelligent and multi-talented. <br /><br />I am full aware that All families have challenges. I have raised 4 and although we can all be a hot mess some days. We love and forgive and talk. I have learned and studied that We are all are born with different personalities and inherent core motives. I think understanding the personalities can help families go a long way to understand each other and avoid un-necessary drama and conflict. It's not only the parents and it's not only the children. <br /><br />Many people do not learn the skills to have healthy relationships and cycles just continue to play out. In the case of our kids that have come from seemingly healthy environments. I would encourage dialog between child and parent. However if they choose not to dialog for whatever their reasons, as everyone is at choice; Then you need to do what you must to keep your heart and mind safe. surrendering is not giving up. It's allowing their choices to play out and I am going to keep sending her love as she navigates her life in this sometimes harsh world. I hope I have given her enough roots to fly and do life her way and to stay healthy. I will always be concerned yet I decided finally today to just surrender to the process and trust that she will be okay. She seems to be in a place, although she would not say where, that is not on the streets. I will loosely observe as much as I can from a distance now. It hurts too much to not be able to be a strong support and part of her life. It's what she apparently wants. <br /><br />I feel that withdrawal for no apparent reason and a child's inability to discuss is abusive. It's emotional abuse to any caring parent. I fully agree it's necessary for a child to move away from any relationship with siblings, relatives or parents that is abusive and get proper help. Those cases it is the parents job to get help and face the situation they created. JMHODeannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06936281407521462724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-45746929815752415012017-09-11T19:26:41.090-04:002017-09-11T19:26:41.090-04:00I understand you No longer Crying,
I just today, a...I understand you No longer Crying,<br />I just today, and after a somewhat lengthy time of back and forth showing up and withdrawals from my transgender daughter (whom I love and have accepted from the beginning) I decided to surrender to the process and just release her to her own life. I am not sure how to reach her. We have always been able to talk and she is to the point where she just calls and stares at me through Skype without saying two words and just smiling. <br /><br />I believe her medications are dumbing her down, although I have not stated this directly to her. I did mention that I felt they were altering her perception and dangerous to be on long term without a commitment to have a sex change. She has burned bridges with all of her roommates to date. was just asked to move out of yet another space. She is 23 and just today on Skype I asked her whereabouts as no one seemed to know where she went. I waited weeks for her to call me. She is not making good decisions not only based on my views. She Dropped out of her last semester in college which was being paid for and has basically decided she does not have to be accountable to anyone or any relationship or society if she chooses. She does not have to live in society and follow any rules or respect boundaries. I see it all as red flags to a more serious issues that may be going on with her. She does feel that she has to be in and offer support or information to family members as most healthy families do. When she does answer questions it is with "maybe" only and then says she does not have to do what she does not want to do. Okay, that is fine. Yet it needs to be a healthy balance because there are just some things responsible people have to do. like pay rent. Change their babies diapers and feed them etc...<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-53681201512586381832017-08-09T10:24:15.444-04:002017-08-09T10:24:15.444-04:00After apologizing, humbling myself, acknowledging ...After apologizing, humbling myself, acknowledging that I haven't been a perfect parent, offering counselling together and separately, and after being told that " I brought this on myself", I divorced my daughter after she shunned me over 3 years ago. I now feel very little for her. The turning point: when she told me that the police would be called if I attempted to see her/contact her again. Ok, got your message loud and clear! My two sons are lovely and I hold those relationships precious and know that I'm lucky to have them. <br />There was no physical, emotional or mental abuse in the family. Yes, we had our challenges as a family, but all families do. I wish my daughter all the best, but I'm no longer going to have her rewrite our history together making me out to be this "negative force" when all I was doing was trying to work, raise a family and manage a marriage. If you haven't been an abusive parent, stand proud, let your estranged child go live their life, and carry on carving out your own happiness and life!! No Longer Cryinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03933533560899118330noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-63583933570369283272016-08-23T19:37:21.001-04:002016-08-23T19:37:21.001-04:00I see that this is an ancient post, but decided to...I see that this is an ancient post, but decided to respond anyways (I was googling for advice). I am a shunned parent of an adult child. His father and I divorced (and I have remarried); so I believe this is the reason he has written me off. I suffered terrible grief for many years; almost as if it were a death or a "missing child" - there is no closure, only grief and sadness. I did everything I could to try to restore our relationship (I even resorted to bribery with enticing gifts) but nothing melted the ice in his heart. My ex husband and his mother saturated him with the most terrible lies, and the lies over powered the truth. He even somehow believed that I didn't raise him (????. I have no idea how someone's mind can be manipulated this way, and so badly). The few times over the years he decided to contact me was simply for him to be verbally or physically abusive (the home he grew up in was not abusive. His father and I weren't happy in our marriage, but our happiness came through our children and our love for them, and we gave them our whole hearts, attention, love, support, and material goods). Anyways, about a year ago, I couldn't take the pain, loss,and sadness anymore and I simply put all of it "in my back pocket". I chose to release him, and not think about him anymore so that I could go on living. It took ALOT to achieve the small bit of peace I now have. I enjoy my other son, his wife and their children (and my husband) with all my heart.<br /><br />I happened to pull up at a red light a few months back, and in the car next to me was my beloved lost son. My heart lept, but quickly sank when he stared at me, emotionless, as if I were a stranger. Maybe he didn't recognize me because I am older, grayer, and have had a stroke that changed my face a bit. I smiled at him with all the love I felt, thinking about the beautiful baby he was that I held snug in my arms, gave him the ASL sign for "I love you", and when the light turned green I drove away, so thankful to have seen his face; but also grateful he didn't see my tears. I'll never stop loving him or missing him.Shunned Parenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14733386009829606702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-75174844693361106882016-05-08T12:47:22.490-04:002016-05-08T12:47:22.490-04:00As a caring mother of five to whom the unthinkable...As a caring mother of five to whom the unthinkable happened, I know the pain of an adult child's estrangement. I began a website to help some time ago (http://www.rejectedparents.net), which has an active support forum as well. On May 3, 2016, my book was released: Done With The Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children. -- I hope it will provide comfort, and help parents move forward in their own lives. `` Sheri McGregor, M.A.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15324273808158874049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-51446445064613256872016-05-02T07:17:42.571-04:002016-05-02T07:17:42.571-04:00My parents have to role of the adult children in y...My parents have to role of the adult children in your comment. Either I do things their way or they will have nothing to do with me. They say they will choose who they associate with not me. So if I choose to date someone they do not like they want nothing to do with me. Since I have graduated college they have one between me and every woman i've dated. They have gone so far as to ask for a pic of a girls diploma to prove she graduated college bec they didn't believe me. They use my love for them against me. Either do as we say and agree with us or you are choosing to have nothing to do with us. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01887283246238576117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-25528791284156254792016-02-21T14:27:39.805-05:002016-02-21T14:27:39.805-05:00What I am seeing and have also experienced myself ...What I am seeing and have also experienced myself is a lot of adult children who are engaged in a good number of controversial behavioral activities who are using their relationship to force their parents into acceptance of beliefs that are in direct contrast to what the parent believes either in general or specifically is not a good choice for their child. It goes like this...I am going to do "xyz" and it is now a part of me and my life and you either accept it fully without question or you live without me in your life. I don't want to name the "controversial behaviors" but I fail to see why the relationship cannot be maintained within a neutral zone. For example, let's use bowling as a substitute behavior. I wouldn't dream of telling my children that they either had to approve of mey nightly bowling activity or do without me in their lives. I would however, feel that it would be fair to declare bowling as a "red zone" in which once the feelings were communicated on both sides we could agree to table it in order to preserve the relationship. As a parent it feels very much like manipulation. In your larger circle of acquaintances, co-workers and neighbors you can maintain a relationship in such cases. You can have them over and just not discuss bowling knowing that you have differing opinions. In every relationship I can think of, there is not one that has "approval" of all aspects of the other person. There is something about every person that you can find that you don't like (they are late frequently, they curse too much, whatever) and you add the sum up and choose if you want to continue. Many adult children who KNOW how much they are loved and how important they are to their parents, and using estrangement as a tool force their every belief onto their parents. It totally sucks!<br /> Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17445225109019557257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-35071848217584750482015-11-06T06:51:08.337-05:002015-11-06T06:51:08.337-05:00The advice to stay out of your dad's marriage ...The advice to stay out of your dad's marriage is not unusual or uncommon to hear. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04373103508576132469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-55454655803007176562015-11-03T19:44:14.976-05:002015-11-03T19:44:14.976-05:00I have two adult children which I raised as a sing...I have two adult children which I raised as a single mom in a not so great part of town. We didn't have much financially despite my being college educated and working full time. We were never able to buy our own home, which was my dream for all of us. My daughter had her first child at 17 and they lived with us. We all got along pretty well despite the mother/daughter issues most families have. Especially with a small child involved. My son was always very choosy with women, which was great. A couple of years ago, he met a very nice girl from a good family. Her family and my son got along wonderfully. I was happy for him. He's a good man and deserves good things. About a year into the relationship, I started to see a change in the way my son looked at me. It was as if I had gone from being a pretty good mom to some lowlife he didn't really want to spend time with. I've never been on drugs, never been a drinker or weekend partier. I spent my life raising my kids and trying to give them what I could. My daughter demanded more to an extent because she was a bit of a problem child and I know that bred some resentment with him but I thought we were passed that. Anyway, the change I saw in his eyes was that suddenly, being around her two parent family with a nice home, money in the bank, perfect middle class world, I had suddenly gone from being a mom he loves to someone he felt he didnt' really want in his life so much. Today, he confirmed that to me by straight out telling me that I half "ruined his life" and I am a negative influence he has been trying to "maintain" some type of relationship with. He has also divorced himself from all of his family on my side. He's never been a part of his father's family so my side is the only family he has yet he has nothing to do with any of them now. He even stopped going around his sister's a year ago. He has however IMMERSED himself into his girlfriend's family. For God's sake, the moon rises and sets on their arses. He will go to game night at their house and family events and spends time with her grandmom and great grandmom and her parents and brother. I am happy for him that he found a decent family to become a part of but I didn't realize that I would be measured by the Cleaver family standard as part of the package. I want him happy, and I am glad that he's found something good but I didn't know it had to be an either or for him. My daughter has recently had to get some help for herself and my son and his girlfriend are taking care of her three girls for a few months. While this is going on, he will not allow them to talk about their mother with him. He acts as if she has fell off the face of the earth and they should just check that box off their list and move on. The girls talk to me about their mom and mom writes them letters which I have to hand over to him. But, he doesn't want me talking about mom with the girls and I won't do that. She is their mother. They love her, miss her, and want to be with her. As far as he seems to be concerned, like he feels about me, it's essentially "good riddance to bad rubbish" as far as their mom is concerned. I could see if I had done something or even if it was just me he had taken issue with, but we are talking all of the family he was raised with, most of the people he grew up with, and now to even keep my grandchildren from me if I won't stop talking about their mom with them because it doesn't suit his agenda. None of us are good enough for him it seems, nor are we good enough for the grandchildren now. Only the girlfriends family is good enough. What does one do with that?? Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18182554406522356281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-24795541629389232592015-09-16T04:53:15.488-04:002015-09-16T04:53:15.488-04:00Wow, I am a typical child mentioned in the blurb ...Wow, I am a typical child mentioned in the blurb above. Raised in a 'normal' family with good parents and a relatively happy upbringing. In recent years I have had some real communication problems with one of my sisters. I received professional counselling and was advised to talk with her but make sure I had a support person with me. This was never arranged as a time was never right for either party. Then I tried to arrange mediation. This was never arranged as she had exams and other things happening. I told my mother I was trying to arrange mediation. She told me I was a 'swear word' 'swear word' - which I replied she always called us. She said 'have a nice life' and hung up on me. I have spoken to her once since and couldn't get her off the phone, it was like nothing had happened. But there is a huge barrier here. Either me, my husband or two of my four children are constantly be criticised. As a family we are not comfortable at their house, always on guard for 'bad' behaviour - which is quite normal for a child of that age (in today's times - not the 1980s). I always feel like the peacekeeper between my parents. I have completely different parenting styles and housekeeping standards than my mum did. I don't vacuum (hoover) every day. I find writing this is quite helpful. It makes me feel less isolated, and able to accept their behaviour as they will not (or can not) change it, and release the tension I feel. I still contact them regularly but like any abuse I have started to stand up for myself and say that is not ok when they put myself, my husband or my children down. We are trying the best we can. They do not live in our house in modern times. I am criticised for standing up for myself but I must remember to accept and release! Thank you so much - this is a real problem.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-54720343699801052192015-08-31T12:14:22.581-04:002015-08-31T12:14:22.581-04:00I recently lost my fiance, who was 19 years my sen...I recently lost my fiance, who was 19 years my senior. His marriage, like mine ended in a divorce. Our relationship had started out as business friends but progressed quickly to a 15 year affair - the last 5 years our relationship public as we were both divorced. (His marriage ended due to his decision to leave. Mine ended after enough abuse for me and my daughter from my very abusive - to both of us - hard alcoholic husband.<br /><br />His adult children who are in my age group, had to admit that they had never seen their Dad happy while he was married (for 44 years) to their mother. They were so happy he had found happiness in his life and wanted me as their family - as their children (the grandchildren) had a good relationship with us as a couple too. However, the daughters at first divorced their father and certainly me. But as they had been very indulged, loved and pampered as children, they couldn't stay away from Daddy for long.<br /><br />Remember, they told me they wanted me in their family, they made me part of their family? Six weeks before my beloved and I were to marry, he had a massive heart attack, the night before his 67th birthday. He had been dead for less than an hour and the daughters started making demands, which progressed to accusations of theft, and now, it is clear, they intend to take anything and everything they can and won't stop until I am destroyed. They have even gone so far as to try to take MY home. /they discredit me at every chance they can, even on social media. Wow, much like a divorce between two spouses, this is a vicious divorce.<br /><br />I may not be the biological parent, and I never tried to become their parent. I only tried to love and support my long time friend, lover and man that the daughters professed had actually loved his life for the last 4-5 years.<br /><br />It's odd, we never were able to get married due to his demise, yet why do I feel like I am being divorced, again, when I had never said, "I do"?<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-87954023846425754102015-06-13T20:44:04.499-04:002015-06-13T20:44:04.499-04:00I am a widow in late 60's. My husband was cri...I am a widow in late 60's. My husband was critical of my son whom I always stood up for and so when my husband passed away I thought, no more criticism will be forthcoming and my son would be close to me. He and his wife always say they love me so much; however, although he lives five miles away I see him every five or six weeks for lunch (two hours at most) with no phone calls from him inbetween. He's never invited me to his home which he has had for fifteen years which my husband and I gave him money for the down payment. We were always generous parents to him and I have given him expensive birthday gifts, etc, but he mentions my birthday only when he sees me after the fact, never buys me a gift. He did not have an abusive childhood; we were good parents as we could be. I can't make heads or tails out of this relationship and when I've discussed it to him, he says I am giving him a guilt trip!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-48388163227674863402015-05-25T14:05:25.986-04:002015-05-25T14:05:25.986-04:00I was good for ONE thing to my kids....writing che...I was good for ONE thing to my kids....writing checks. Beyond that they could have cared less. I recognized this pattern early on. I recognized the brainwashing by their mother, her family etc. When they turned 18yo I stopped all child support and any money to them. My wife was married to a wealthy guy and quit her job etc. My kids were hateful towards me and ultra judgemental. I simply cut all contact. These comments seem quite one sided. My children didn't "break my heart" etc. They made it clear who they were as kids. I simply stopped loving them and understood they weren't my "family". Ironically, due to a subsequent marriage, I became even more wealthy than my ex. I feel free and light hearted, having created my own family. Those other kids were merely an accident of biology. I have interest nor love for them. I tire of parents being "victims". If your kids cut you off....disown them. Don't give them some sort of satisfaction by "grieving" these useless brats. Let them go. Move on. Find your own family who may not share your DNA but who loves you. Kick the useless brats to the curb!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06831436940777843786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-62169102495917100282015-04-13T01:46:18.094-04:002015-04-13T01:46:18.094-04:00I want advise, my dad is an alcoholic and won'...I want advise, my dad is an alcoholic and won't admit to it and my mom just caught him cheating I'm scared and I feel alone I need to be strong for my siblings but I can't. They are not as affected as I am about this is cause I remember when he wouldn't come home or even call. And being the eldest I have no one really close enough to talk about this. I just want advice and I don't want to be angry anymoreAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-45513960584437480612015-03-30T15:48:42.082-04:002015-03-30T15:48:42.082-04:00Baffled in Birmingham, MI I am a divorced (12 yea...Baffled in Birmingham, MI I am a divorced (12 years) mother of 3 adult women. My children were given all the advantages in life, best schools, college educations, country clubs, private tennis lessons- you get the picture. I maintained their life stye after my divorce.<br /><br />My daughters started acting up when my ex remarried a woman named "Deborah". She and my ex ruined my relationship with my daughters. BTW- my ex is now getting his second divorce.<br /><br />I divorced this man because of an unspeakable act I caught him in. I have never disclosed this to anyone, not even my closest friends. My girls have a great relationship with a man who didnt pay attention to them when they were growing up and was more concerned about his own sexual fix.<br /><br />I have never said anything negative about this man. I am sick about the fact my kids dont speak to me. It has been 7 years since the two oldest have said a word to me. There was no abuse, no punishment and I feel like I gave them to too much.<br /><br />I would like to tell new parents, dont give every thing to your kids. They dont care when they grow up. My heart is broken over this situation and I have no control over it.Bill Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03386535361394229597noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-91696286955043965162015-03-20T12:49:38.330-04:002015-03-20T12:49:38.330-04:00I preface what I am about to write with the fact t...I preface what I am about to write with the fact that I understand there are EXTREME cases where cutting off a parent may be necessary, but that should be for EXTREME cases, not because mom and dad wanted to present a perfect appearance to the world when you were little, but things weren’t perfect at home or they disagree with your choices, etc. I cannot believe what I am reading. Except in extreme instances where physical and sexual abuse occurs, how can anyone actually entertain the thought of divorcing their parents?! They are your PARENTS!! My parents are critical, opinionated, controlling, make things difficult to do most of the time, have few things in common with me, are about appearances, and most of the time drive me completely crazy….but I call them every day and I love them, will carry on a relationship with them, and will do what is necessary to take care of them because they are my parents. They cared for and raised me the best they knew how, good and bad, and that is all you can ask of parent. They deserve your love, respect, and companionship for that. No parent is, or ever will be, perfect. Every family has issues. No one should discard their parents because of disagreements, tension, and general unhappiness and uneasiness. It seems arrogance and selfishness are driving these concepts instead of humility, selflessness, forgiveness, and grace. Parents aren’t your buddies and it is all fun and games…it is your family, your origin, your beginnings. There is a lot that goes with that—that is heavy stuff. I believe parents deserve honor for doing their best, just like you will do your best when you have kids. You will not be a perfect parent no matter how hard you try, neither were they—and they tried hard and wanted the best for you—even if it may not have seemed like it. I feel sad for the future if the majority of people agree with the ideas shared in comments on this post. It seems like it will become a self-centered, petty, unforgiving, lonely place with a lack of understanding, love, and compassion. If your parents are still alive, be grateful. As long as you both are alive, the end of the story is not yet written. I encourage you to forgive your parents. Reach out to your parents and see how you can start a relationship anew. I understand, maybe you won’t be seeing them everyday and spending all of your free time with them, but let them know you appreciate that they raised you, that you are alive, and for any of the good things they did for you….let them know you love them and then work to have the best relationship possible. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-25703860695749840192015-03-10T08:24:18.892-04:002015-03-10T08:24:18.892-04:00Omg!! My daughter who is grown and has had many c...Omg!! My daughter who is grown and has had many control and anger issues just told me she slapped get daughter....I told her she shouldn't slap them on the mouth and she said "ong mom..you used to slap my tongue with a spatula" wth???????!!!!!! ive never ever laid as hand on any of my kids!!!! Im so shocked I think im going to throw upAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-2654105765109161052015-02-01T14:56:23.283-05:002015-02-01T14:56:23.283-05:00I think that in a lot of cases, parents are not as...I think that in a lot of cases, parents are not as innocent as they pretend to be. Sometimes they are, but in my experience, that's the exceptions. Normally no children grow up to dislike or despise their own parents for no reason. Most children love their parents and would to everything to please them. I am an adult and have no contact with my father, and trust me, he can blame it all on himself. Our relationship are far beyond repair, and I wouldn't have anything to do with him even if it could be fixed. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-6402874015793567222015-01-08T15:21:43.869-05:002015-01-08T15:21:43.869-05:00Our extended family all tried to please the grandm...Our extended family all tried to please the grandmother so as to not upset her. When she died, many adult siblings and grandfather soon started openly viciously attacking our family now that grandmother wasn't there to be upset. They only attacked out of range of grandmother's hearing before and pretended to agree with her outlook on life. We, who shared more closely grandmother's philosophy, tolerated their covert attacks so as to not upset grandmother. We agreed in our little family that when grandmother died we would leave the family. It was twenty years before she died. We left. Those we left now say we are shunning them to whoever will listen.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-3679337954333988622014-12-23T01:17:58.161-05:002014-12-23T01:17:58.161-05:00In order to save my marriage I NEEDED my husband t...In order to save my marriage I NEEDED my husband to "shun" his parents after his father became frighteningly hostile towards me during a marital conflict we were having which contributed to my having PTSD. Patriarchal abuse and control were the root cause for both conflicts. I think a lot of human disharmony can be traced to gender inequality, objectification, and lack of empathy. Our needing to sever ties with his parents was one of the most painful decisions we have ever experienced and still causes me nightmares. We only live 5 minutes away from them and used to be a very close family, but now I live in fear.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-74878849423449106802014-12-20T19:21:30.065-05:002014-12-20T19:21:30.065-05:00as a 13 year old girl i take offence to that ! [no...as a 13 year old girl i take offence to that ! [no hard fealings intended , just a joke] . my dad iis far from abuseive but he is VERY quike to anger . one time we missed a buss so he swore at the assistant manager and everything in a fit of anger . it was horible ! so for about 2 years now ive bean planning to cut all ties when i turn 18 , i just cant handle the stressCinder Rainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02782642778313893709noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-82753047787082194152014-12-13T21:07:31.190-05:002014-12-13T21:07:31.190-05:00Long story short. My mom has the maturity of a 12 ...Long story short. My mom has the maturity of a 12 year old girl. My dad has the characteristics of someone with aspergers. I moved away. Phone conversations are PAINFUL! My parents never developed a friendship with me, and it has shown the most when I moved away. I think they used us kids as an emotional blanket to never deal with their own crappy marriage and undelt with baggage. O and they are super controlling. No one likes to be any one who's selfish and controlling.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-31876670573322547982014-11-30T06:32:41.656-05:002014-11-30T06:32:41.656-05:00My adult children shun me I have 3 boys and a girl...My adult children shun me I have 3 boys and a girl they disrespect me they pick there step father over me I am sad and hurt I can I fix this I am there real mom have always been there for them never spank them never mean to them I am not no respect from my adult kids help please I have a full story I can explain more detail but my kids have choose to take step fathers side he was very abusive to me how to get my kids back they think if they act this way I will go back I am never going back I am remarried my husband is wonderful but they won't except it they shun me they only call when they want something from me how do I handle this Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-31768549830309729272014-11-03T08:34:44.276-05:002014-11-03T08:34:44.276-05:00Our daughter had always been loving and kind, alwa...Our daughter had always been loving and kind, always gave us cards for birthdays, anniversary etc. When her daughter was born with a rare disease we were there for her and her family almost every day for 2 years. We gave time, money, sweat and tears. Now that time has passed and we dont go as often it seems her attitude has changed. She seems very resentful and mad and always at the verge of lashing out at one of us or both of us. Last year my husband and I were sick and we asked or her spouse to come over and help and she responded with. I cant do that....I have small kids to take care of! So we now worry about getting older and what can/will happen as we age. We try to talk to her but she clams up. Sometimes she is talkative and upbeat and other times just wants to unload and whoa is me and my life and we are supposed to just listen and I think she wants us to agree with her. But if we complain about aging aches and pains its "gee your getting old all you do is complain". We gave her and her siblings a good solid upbringing. DIdnt have the best of everything but the best we could. College education etc. Seems as though having a child with a disability really changed her and her attitude and we feel we get the brunt of it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26666124.post-42291052841910568192014-10-27T10:07:23.328-04:002014-10-27T10:07:23.328-04:003A lot of sadness here. Many posts from children,...3A lot of sadness here. Many posts from children, but few from parents its seems. There are a lot of labels being thrown around. <br />I was an only child raised by a divorced woman. I thought "normal" was my normal. My mother would literally shun me for weeks starting at about age 5. This lasted until her death three years ago at 79. She wouldn't see me on her death bed and did not see me for two years prior to her death. She gathered all her animosity throughout my life and made a list and blamed me for everything that went wrong in her life. She pretty much divorced me, a new twist. I had no contact with my father until 24, at which point, he died shortly thereafter. Because of my childhood, I did everything for my two sons. I even went back to school to be a teacher so they would be proud of me. I never missed a sporting event, both played basketball, football and track; nor did I ever miss a concert. <br />We went to Disiney World every year and when they struggled in school, even through college,I bailed them out. My goal was to be the most perfect parent I could, to make them happy. Was I perfect? No? <br />Things started falling apart with the older son in 7th grade. My mother had his ear in private and publicly she openly voice that we favored the younger son (which was not true.) I still kept my mother in my life even though she was subject to fits of rage and alienation. After college, my older son, moved to California, then NYC, and is going back to California. He has stopped doing gifts this year and actually says they are on the way. When they don't arrive, he says stuff like "I was too busy" (he wants to get into show business) or "is our relationship built on material gifts?" He is slick. My younger son graduated from college last December, made a statement he is not going out anymore after New Year's Eve, and has been sitting around the house for almost a year. He does not talk much and can take no suggestions, let alone criticism. He wants to move away but doesn't know where. He wants to have a passion, but doesn't. and therefore doesn't have a job. He stays in his room, plays the piano and reads a lot. He watches movies too. <br />I am totally heartbroken morning, noon and night. The older son is not happy with my husband and I and you can see it in his eyes. He argues when home (which is less and less.) HJe fights physically with younger sibling. His younger brother says the older one wants to be the victim so therefore deliberately picks fights. <br />Both call me controlling because I want them to talk to me, call more often, and honor birthdays and holidays. There are only four people to our family. The older one is ticked off at me asking, and has not come for birthdays, except mine, since February. <br />My husband has always, like my mother, undermined my every move. My husband and sons take no orders, whether it be homework, manners, chores, etc. When I brought those things up, my husband would say "See, the argument you are causing." I am on the verge of a breakdown or something worse. EVERYTHING I lived and worked for is all disintegrating and if I had it to do over, I would probably do the same. I don't know where I went wrong except for having a backstabbing mother, and apparently, a husband that followed suit.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com